he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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