Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
