whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
