so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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