I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
