Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
