Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
