This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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