i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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