help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
