I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize