dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
