And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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