Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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