nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
