Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
