I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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