How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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