you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
