Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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