You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
