I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am one with the molecules
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
