i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
