Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
