If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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