All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
