I don't think brook has ever known best
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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