He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love accidental penises.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
