Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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