I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
