escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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