Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
