end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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