Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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