the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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