How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
