i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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