party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
