I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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