i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
