fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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