Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
