: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
