i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
