my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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