ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
