I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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