I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
