her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
