Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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