I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
