Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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