No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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