I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
