she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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