You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So apparently I’m into choking now
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