How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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