A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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