all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
