How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
