i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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