Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
