bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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