It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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