Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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