All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
