I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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