I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
