My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
